OMG I forgot to tell you that Artie passed. About 3 weeks ago. It was pretty bad. He had multiple siezures. I dont know what i did wrong. Man I loved that baby bird more then anything. I have never loved anything more then him. He was like my baby. I took care of him and he grew up b/c of me. And sometimes I wonder if he died b/c of me. The day after Arties death my mom went and got me a cockatiel. Jacks cool. I call him Jack b/c he moves his head like a gay guy. And Jack is on Will & Grace and he is gay. So it made since to me. It took 3 days to pick a name. I love him But he will never replace Artie in my heart. Brittany

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Well I have been around. Doing NOTHING!! I am so fricking bored. I am online at 11:24pm. I should be sleeping!! Nope I am talking to people though.Some old friends from East . Cody Thomas, and Adam Dalton. Both are kinda like ex. boyfriends. I was crazy about Adam back in the 9th grade. Man that was a long time ago. And I fucked it all up. Sometimes I think if maybe I didnt fuck up with him my life would have been fine. B/c I fucked up with him and he hated me and he spread rumors about me. But I am talking to him and he is acting pretty cool. Maybe he grew up. Its so wierd to think about how I was back then. So immature and lonely. And now I am so happy. Well I mean I am happy in a since that I can live in my life and not go crazy...lol! Sometimes I think I am going to pull my hair our b/c of Justin sometimes. And its so weird b/c since i moved to NC I havent had a guy this long. I run them away or fuck up. And its nice to have your boyfriend get on your nerves. And then you see him and he makes you fell like the most beautiful girl in the world. And caresses you and makes love to you like you never thought would ever happen. Things are pretty good over here on my side. How about yours, Brittany

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mood: Confused


Well Justin and me have been together for 2 months. So I had a little talk with him last night about getting scared. B/c Its like I never think about us breaking up but then thats makes me think its too good to be true. Does that make any sense at all? I asked him is there anything you want to tell me?..And he said well yeah. Right then my heart dropped. He said I am not going to Florida, my home is here. Well yeah I understand that. I really do. I mean the same as my home is Florida. But I told him oK. I wil go anywhere u go b/c u mean more to me then Florida. I can always go and visit my friends and family. But I will only have one you. And I dont want to lose that. Things get confusing in a realationship. People get led to believe things that are not true just b/c that person doesnt want the other person to feel bad. Well thats not right, and that is what has been done to me in my life more times to count. And well I dont think Justin is that type. Well i know he is not that type. He tells me everything. But what hurt me the most is that he didnt tell me about this "Florida issue". And he has led me to believe when I turn 18 we could move to Florida. Now my heart has been torn. I have 2 promises that CAN NOT be broken by any means. I have Erica down there and my family and I thought that ment alot to him and he understood. But he had some beers in him last night and the truth came out. He put his foot down and said "I am not going to FL, my home is here"...and that means I am staying. I love him enough to go WHEREEVER he wants to go. I dont want to live without him in my life. He makes me more of a woman than I have ever been. But one way or the other someone is going to be selfish. If we stay he gets his way, if we leave I get my way. But its not liek I am taking him away from everything. His mom lives in FL. Well is going to live there by this summer. And I dont understand whats the big deal. All his friends are going to get married and who are they going to listen to? Their wives. They are going to leave there jobs and move somewhere. People change things change. I dont know. Maybe we will stay here. But it really isnt sumthing that I need to worry about right now. But its like i do b/c i want to know that hes going to be with me no matter what. Even if we fight with this location thing. But I am the one that is being the calming one here. I said I will go anywhere he wants to go. I asked him last night "are you with me for the long haul?"...he said "yes". Justins not one to lie. He'll tell u the truth even if it hurts. But I know he loves me. I told him I was scared and I asked him if he was scared too. His answer was "yes". Hes been through alot in realationships too. I have never heard of a guy being treated so badly. But I am his gift. I am here to let him know there is someone out there that will love and care for him. And that someone is me. I dont want him ever to leave me. And I know that as time goes on your going to have your rocky times. But see I never get to stay long enough to see rocky times. I always get dumped. And not that I like rocky times. But it wouls be a honor to see rocky times with Justin. I want to have little tiffs, I want to blow raspberries at each other, and maybe get into it alittle. All just to know that when we made up it we would be closer. Every time my parents fought my mom would say it only makes daddy and me stronger. I never understood that b/c they got a devorce. But I get it now. To have a strong realationship you must be strong ppl . My dad wasnt strong. Therefore it didnt last. But me and Justin are very strong. And have been through alot. Him more then me. But I understand him. Making up is my favorite time. Its wonderful to know that you can fight like friends and still love each other at the end. you know separate it from the realationship side. Being friends come in handy in me and Justins realationship. We can just have fun. We dont always have to hold hands more sit on top of each other making out in public. we just love each othher and to know that and know hes my best friend is so wonderful. You know what I am not confused anymore. Whatever happens happens and I love him.

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mood: Hungry!!! Yum!
Well i woke up aat like 6:55 b/c a Artie, man he is a eating thing.
It weird b.c I have always heard the espression "you eat like a bird"...and its funny b/c these damn thing eat every 30 minutes!!
I love him tho and I enjoy taking care of him. Well last night I finished my zine. Click here to get the isho. You'll enjoy. Well if you are a girl.
OMG! Guess what! I am going back to public school next year. yep yep yes I am. I am great, and really I decided by myself. Mom and justin are very proud of me.. what is there to be scared of if I am moving to a new school, with new teachers and new faces. Nobody knows me. It will be perfect. Man I cant wait to move out on that water. It is going to be so damn nice. Justin and me are going to take the boat out on the weekends and just drink and do it . lol! It will be the life.
Justin gives me the life anyways.
Sometimes I wish I was 18 so he could get his cute little ass down on one knee. But we have to wait and this is going to teach us some stuff about life b4 we marry. And thats ok with me and him. I love him so much. 2 MONTHS TOMARROW.

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mood: Fulfilled
Well I had a great day. Justin came over and he took me to walmart b/c he wanted to get a movie...this movie actually....

But we didnt find it. And we picked up eye droppers for artie so i can feed him. And some flowers for my momma. Then we ate arbys...yumm yum.!!
Then we went to best buy to get that movie.Man it was funny. It has Johnny Freaking Depp in it. I love that man!! All he did was do all these drugs and act funny as hell. He did have a reseading hair line tho.
But after we watched that we went to Outwest, which is this good steak house and had a Mothers Day dinner for me and my mom...Remember I am a mother to a baby birdie now...hehe! Then he left. I miss him already. Man I love that fool. He is so wonderful and spastic.
then I have came home and fed artie and I want to go to sleep...gah!
I have to owrk on my zine now.
Love always,
Brit

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mood: Excited
listening to: Artie talk to me
wanting: my mom

Man I need to talk to my mom. She just got up and left this morning and I have no clue where she is. I want to tell her we are taking her out for a Mother Day Dinner. She will love that. Well actually Justin is. But my baby is great. Well I got to watch some tv to pass the time for him to get here...man i love him!!

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